Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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