i jhust puked up my retainher.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
