I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
