we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
