So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
