If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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