there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just found puke in my bra..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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