Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
