Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
