I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
