i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize