I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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