I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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