and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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