The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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