fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
