he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
