Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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