HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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