you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
