Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
