doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
