why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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