Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
