he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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