Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
