dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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