every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
