true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
