he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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