Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
