so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
