is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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