Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
