it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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