3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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