I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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