Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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