I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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