Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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