Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize