Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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