he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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