Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
