mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize