two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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