It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
