Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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