just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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