jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
