I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
