also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
