Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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