it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
