Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
