ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
