Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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