id be glad to
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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