so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
