No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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